You ARE your spouse.

I desire to get married again eventually bc it’s a true culmination, but I’m not in a hurry bc other people are embarrassing…

And you cannot escape that being married.

When it’s just YOU, no one can fault you for your choice in a mate’s behavior.

But when you’re “one” with another person, whatever they are: belligerent, insensitive, arrogant, a jerk or just unbearably socially awkward— that’s a reflection on YOU whether you like it or not. You chose them, you put up with it, therefore you approve and are aligned with it.

It’s gonna take moving heaven & earth to get me to compromise my reputation and safety in that way again.

But I do have faith that if I’m meant to partake in that, then God will pave the way, not my feeble human hands. 💖

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1-1 Wake up with The One.

1 Corinthians 8:6:

“There is ONE God, the Father who is the ultimate source of all things and the goal of our lives. We exist for Him. And there is ONE Lord—Jesus the Anointed, the Liberating King; through Him all things were created, and by Him we are redeemed.”

Wake up with The One.

I didn’t wake up with God today. And I can feel it in my spirit the further I drift from emanating God’s love in my daily actions.

What if we took 5 minutes every single morning to ask God to help us be like Him today?

The world is full of selfishness, deceit and carelessness and our hearts crave more than that.

What if we were able to infuse a passionate love for God’s character and being who He desires us to be into our every day lives?

Wouldn’t it feel amazing to be full of potential being realized, knowing God is directing our steps? He is. We just have to say yes and let Him.

“Thank you Lord for who You are. Without you, we wouldn’t exist. Without you, we’d have no model or standard for holiness and righteousness and goodness. I pray you would uplift our hearts and spirits today. I pray you’d guide our steps today so we feel confident and full of courage in our journey. Strengthen our faith and help us be a cup overrunning with love, joy and peace today. In Jesus’ name, amen! 🙏💗🤗”

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Baa baa black sheep

While watching the movie David, I realized that being the “black sheep” 🖤 is not a bad thing. 🤍

It means you trust your own discernment more than being led by a shepherd with the rest of the flock.

You’re not a goat. You’re still in the flock. You’re just… different.

And that’s not a bad thing. 😌

(Matthew 25:31-46)

🐑 🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑

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Vindicated

I know the difference. 

I know the difference between guilt for *actually* being the more destructive force in ending a relationship.

Even though my actions were caused by being hurt and traumatized myself, I still feel the weight of how I was. I could have handled it better.

That was a long time ago. I grew.

In most recent years, in all the other relationships that have dissolved, I know:

It WASN’T me.

It either wasn’t a great mutual fit…

…or the other person was *more* horrible in their actions than I ever was.

I feel NO guilt.

In fact, I feel the opposite of guilt.

I feel vindication.

Because there is NOTHING else I could have done to repair the damage. Period.

This was NOT my fault.

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Hot on the presses today, little queen

I went out last night dolled up to a more upscale venue in my area. Every time I go, I like to look nice. 😌

I got soooo many compliments!!!
Visceral ones. Embodied ones. 🥹

This one lady was visibly stunned. She was a ticket-taker and floored about loving my ensemble & sparkle.✨

“Ah! Look at your shoes! And your dress! ❤️ And your necklace! And your ears! You look amazing!” 😻

TYSM 🥲

It was such a nice reminder & truly made me feel special:

I’m not gone. I’ve just been hiding & repairing. 🤍

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Go away and never come back.

Delete every single thing that reminds you who you never wanna be again.

Anything that dims your light, chuck it. 🚮

Anything you don’t want your kids to be affected by, throw it into the fire. 🔥

You deserve more than anchoring yourself to artifacts that scream survival instead of sovereignty.

That includes mementos from any selfish scum that once occupied your life.

👋

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.grinchlist.

Someone asked me, “What do you want for Christmas, Charity?” I thought for a second.

“To be left alone. I don’t want anyone talking to me. I want the choice to pretend they don’t exist when I walk by without them taking it personally. I want them to speak when spoken to.”

(I didn’t used to be like this. In fact, I was the exact opposite: I’d go out of my way to talk to as many people as possible.) I realized after I ranted that, I must sound like a real Grinch and have become a terrible person.

But I know: if I still had a therapist, she would tell me everything I’m feeling is normal. I would know she’s not placating me. She would tell me grief is not linear and even though I’m in cocoon mode now, it won’t be forever. I am not permanently altered.

No amount of ChatGPT therapy can replace a real person telling you the truth of the lived cyclical human experience. It’s a proven path. You just have to walk it.

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The wellspring of life

“Charity, why’d you get off social media?”

Because I wanted to be a fountain, not a sponge.

😚💦

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men v women: compartmentalizing

I’ve been pondering this deeply lately:

My dad has friends who call him multiple times a day. I questioned him: “I don’t understand how you even talk to so and so. He’s stabbed you in the back numerous times.”

He says, “Well, we just talk about sports a little bit.”

I could *never* function this way. If I don’t like you, I definitely don’t care about your sports opinions. lol. I can’t separate it.

Then I realized… it’s not just my dad who can be “friends” with someone in one way but not all ways. It’s MEN in general who compartmentalize.

Women don’t.

😅

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